Today’s post is building on a previous blog post about feeling stuck in therapy, so if you hadn't read it yet click here. The topic of the previous post was a discussion on the frustration clients may feel that the work in therapy isn't creating significant change for the client in their life. A concept I will introduce to clients is that progress often occurs in the process of therapy, not the product. Ideally we’d love to repair those hurtful relationships, nail the interview for the dream job, obliterate depressive/anxious symptoms, and have the difficult conversations, among many other desires; but there are so many other variables around those situations that we have no control over that can get in the way of the preferred outcomes….which can leave us feeling helpless and hopeless. That’s when we are best served by focusing on our process in therapy as opposed to the outcomes alone.
Let me give an example to demonstrate what is meant by this. Sometimes a client and I will determine that journaling could be of use in the therapy process. Often folks are concerned about the content of their journal entries not being what it “should” be in order to be helpful. In my own journaling I've given myself permission to create entries that are simple bullet points, one word, or nonsensical run on sentences -whatever it is that is needed that day. This has made the process of journaling a lot more accessible and a lot less intimidating. If I was worried about the content or the product of my journaling, this would probably be a barrier to my engagement in the intervention. But the act of externally expressing and processing thoughts and feelings is what is actually helpful about journaling not the actual contents on the page. I typically discourage clients from going back and reading journal entries unless we can decide together some sort of therapeutic benefit of that
Another example would be working with somebody who's afraid of confrontation preparing to have a difficult conversation with somebody. Identifying the conversation needs to happen, conceptualizing the conversation, and role-playing it in their mind or in therapy is all progress even if the client never gets to the point where they have that difficult conversation.
Stepping away from black or white thinking when it comes to evaluation of progress can create many more opportunities for success and allows the process to feel much for flexible to the individual.
I'd invite you to think of times in your life where you've been hard on yourself because the product of your efforts didn't turn out the way that you originally envisioned. Go back and think about the process you engaged in first- are there spaces and places where you can identify progress being made even though the outcome didn't align with your original vision?
I hope this way of thinking about your efforts both in and outside of the therapy room can help you extend yourself some compassion and grace as you continue to face different hurdles in life. If you think you could benefit from additional therapeutic support click here to contact us!