When working with clients it's not uncommon for them to feel frustrated that their work in therapy isn't moving the needle in their life in a way that feels significant. This is especially true for those who are really invested and active in the therapy process; coming prepared to session and doing the work outside of our time. When a client brings this frustration up in session they're usually met with this common response from me asking “And where did you learn that was going to happen?” This is typically met with the knowing eye roll or smirk from the client because they know what’s coming next.

I think some of the hardest work that's done in therapy is in the art of letting go: letting go of the idea that you are supposed to feel a certain way, letting go of knowing what the outcomes are going to be AND letting go of trying to control those outcomes. Oftentimes the work that one does in therapy isn't necessarily to change their circumstances (although that might be ideal) it's to help them weather their undesired circumstances better. So maybe while the work that you're currently doing doesn't feel like it's making that big of a difference you might just be in worse shape without it. The eye roll and smirk from clients is typically because they have already done with work to recognize and accept that life is hard and usually after one hardship ends there's another one not too far behind it and they’ve discovered that what therapy is about is having a space to help navigate the thoughts and feelings that come up during these hardships not remove them. Although as a therapist I’d love to be able to help client alter or remove sources of pain, it’s typically not possible.

This brings up another topic that I discuss with clients which is that sometimes the progress is in the process not the product; a concept I'll discuss in my next blog. To start your therapy journey connect with us on our contact page.