New Year, New You?

The last gift of Christmas is barely unwrapped before we start getting inundated with messages about setting resolutions for the new year. Open just about any form of social media and you'll see multiple New Year’s posts about suggestions, tips, tricks and hacks as to how to choose resolutions and maybe more importantly how to keep them.  From daily exercise goals, dry January, healthy eating, becoming more organized or getting more sleep these types of messages can make us feel inadequate even though we know that the majority of resolutions aren't kept.  Unfortunately, by the time your favorite Instagram content creator has stopped getting their 8 hours of sleep at night that feeling of inadequacy has already been imprinted. 

I recently saw a few posts on Tik Tok that actually invited people to wait to create their resolutions until the spring in accordance with Pagan, astrological, and other practices that align more with nature, with spring being the natural time of fresh starts and new beginnings. Maybe it’s not a bad idea to allow oneself to rest during the time nature does.    

What I'd like you to consider whether you do it in January or in the spring is to change the approach of resolving to reach a certain goal to identifying more clearly what your values are.  Subsequently, once you identify your values you can then identify what committed actions would be in line with those values and move you closer to them.  This idea comes from an approach called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT, and I've been utilizing it a lot more with my clients with good results.   It’s more flexible than other approaches and works better for many clients. 

The concept of selecting and pursuing values as opposed to goals or resolutions allows a lot more space for making mistakes and occasionally missing the mark.  For example, if I set a resolution of eating healthy in the new year and have a day where I indulge in sweet treats I would feel like somehow I’ve failed.  However if I identify my value of living a healthier lifestyle then even on a day where I’ve indulged I could still act in accordance with my values by having also exercised that day, taken a walk or eating a salad as one of my meals. 

A great resource to help you hone in on your values is the value card sort activity found here but to keep it simple the main value areas are personal growth, relationships, work & education and recreation/ leisure.  Identify what the committed actions are toward the pursuit of those values and work on engaging in them in small and consistent  ways.  For many clients a shift in this mentality allows them to experience more success and offer themselves more compassion along their growth journey. 

If you'd like to learn more about this approach or are struggling and feel therapy could be beneficial to you feel free to contact us to get connected with a therapist to assist you. 

Why Should I Worry?

Anyone else singing the song from the old Disney movie “ Oliver and Company?” Just me? OK, then let’s move on….

Worry. It’s kind of part of the human condition. If you care about anything or anyone in your life you will at some point worry about it or them. The problem is, that sometimes this worry gets in the way of our functioning. It takes us away from being present in this moment because we are still worrying about the last moment or how to face the next.

So is worrying just…bad? The answer is no. We have actually been “gifted” the ability to feel anxious or worried as part of our adaptive functioning to promote our survival. Our flags go up and we do things in order to ensure our safety. That’s a good thing, right? Not always, because sometimes people worry on overdrive, worrying about things that have nothing to do with safety, or things that can’t be controlled, or that they have little influence over. So, then what?

What I will frequently coach clients on is pulling what is useful or productive from their worry. So for example, we worry about our kid’s safety. OK, let’s make that worry productive. Go ahead and tell them to hold your hand or look both ways when they cross the street, buckle their seat belts in the car, and teach them not to speak with strangers, etc. All these things are good things. I encourage clients to respond to the worry in useful ways as long as it doesn’t interfere with their (or in this case, their child’s) functioning. Although it may help to ensure your or your kiddo’s safety, never leaving the house really isn’t an option, because that impacts the overall functioning of everyone involved.

But because anxiety and worry can be a real jerk sometimes it will always remind you of the “what ifs”. The elements you can’t control. This is the worry where there is nothing productive to pull from it. So what do you do with that? The answer is: you learn to let it go.

The sad truth is, somewhere today someone is worrying about something bad happening. They are overcome with the worry. Maybe it is even incapacitating them in some way. And, then the bad thing still happens. The worry did absolutely NOTHING to affect the outcome of what the person was worrying about. It only robbed them of any joy or experience of being present leading up to the event. The worry served no purpose but to make that person feel like garbage. The outcome may remain the same, but in letting go, the person has a better overall quality of life.

So, Elsa style (man I’m on a Disney kick today) we need to let go of that residual worry, which is easier said then done. So stay tuned, because my next blog post will include some tips/tricks on how to do just that. And as always, feel free to reach out with any questions you may have.